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2. Tip: cells that help your body develops antibodies the
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3. Tip: Focus on 1 thing ONLY.
   toilet. Disposal of medicines by flushing is recommended to reduce danger Again, this site is clearly all over the place. What’s the focus? No idea. What’s the audience? No idea. What’s the point? No freakin’ idea. Go to the optician (optometrist, opthamologist a.k.a. eye care professional) get some glasses and get 20/20 on what you want to do!
4. Tip: Do NOT Repeat Yourself.
   toilet. Disposal of medicines by flushing is recommended to reduce danger If you were paying attention, you’d have noticed that I did the same thing in Tip 1 and Tip 3. PAY ATTENTION – I’ll be testing you later. . Seriously though, there is another reason why you wouldn’t want to repeat things verbatim – duplicate content issue for SEO. SE’s doesn’t like stuff that’s copied – if you are going to make the same point again, at least use different words. And if you’re not good like words (like me), then use an online Thesaurus (it’s like a dictionary for similar words). I don’t know why I wrote that and *really* dumbed it down – I’m not assuming my readership is thick as 2 short planks, sawn in half and glue back together but there might be someone who does need to know. (*Additional – see, I go off on tangents… focus, focus, focus – PAY ATTENTION!).
5. Tip: Use lists. People Like Lists.
   toilet. Disposal of medicines by flushing is recommended to reduce danger Regular readers to my site will know that I took the Adsense off my pages. There was an extremely valid reason: Adsense doesn’t work for me. Why? My copy and content usually isn’t specific enough in Keywords because I tell stories. The surprising thing about this is, I can still manage to rank well for a few given terms – however, that isn’t anything to do with my overall copywriting skill, that’s to do with the 5 key areas I optimize my keywords for; the internal link structure methods I use create strong relationships between pages and the topic relevancy of the keywords I use to associate pages. But again, I’m going off tangent and these are ideas for another post.
   To quote Blain from the movie Predator (1987, Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dir: John McTiernan): “I ain’t got time to READ!“. (Okay… so that was a misquote but you get the point!). List are more effective because people don’t read – they scan and then read (but only if it’s worthwhile!).
6. Tip: Use How To Guides To Attract Visitors but keep it simple, stupid!
   toilet. Disposal of medicines by flushing is recommended to reduce danger I have guides on my site but not enough. I should do more. That’s what I’d recommend YOU should do. If you notice, my How To guides are technical but it’s a very small niche interested in this stuff and I write these How To’s for 2 main reasons. Firstly, so that I can help people to push the boundaries a little more so that they can create really excellent WordPress sites. My guides could become very technical but I tend to dumb down the How To’s so that 4 year old could understand it (“Hey… run out and get me a 4 year old – I can’t make head or tail of this thing”, to paraphrase Groucho Marx!). I often get newbies actually trying out the guides, probably because they can follow it easily.
   The second reason is less obvious. I write dumbed down content in “How-To” format because it helps ME remember how to do stuff (because, yes, I often forget things!). So whenever I need to do something quickly, it’s useful just to go back to a bookmark, scan the list and get a quick refresher on implementing things the right way!
7. Tip: Have Good Copy On Your Site
   toilet. Disposal of medicines by flushing is recommended to reduce danger Read my earlier posts – like the viagra eyesite which bombed for example. These are examples of how to suck and wipe simultaneously. Do not try and emulate these posts – I am a fully trained Development and Project Managment Professional with an interest in SEO but no qualifications in copywriting or engaging users (unless on a technical level – maybe I’m missing my calling…). I like to write for cathartic reasons rather than for business reasons (which is probably where I’m going wrong!). Emulate my style of writing only if you want to fail. Miserably.

Who knows – maybe next year, YOU could be the holder of this title. Personally, I’m content in knowing that at least I’m excellent at what I do (nice reframe, huh?). You’re going to have to work pretty hard to beat my “Write A Post and LOSE Traffic” technique if you really want to claim this title next year. I might patent the inverse of this method if I can work out why my traffic increases when I *don’t* post!

I’m guessing some of you might think you can beat me and claim this title. I sincerely doubt that. Look, I have stats to back this up and PROVE this, so you’re going to need to work really hard to convince me.

D you think you can take this title away from me? Let me know in the comments below.

And NO, I won’t accept, “English is my second language” as a vaild reason – there’s loads of excellent Internet Marketers who are foreign and can’t speak English properly (sheesh, some of them spell “colour” without the “U” for crying out loud, and “optimise” with a “Z” – pronounced “zed” btw ); or who have typo’s, are dyslexic and can’t even string a sentance together (okay… maybe I’m exaggerating here) but who do just fine in this game. So, I’m going to rule those out…

C’mon then, what are you waiting for? Just try and out-do my crappy copy… but only if you really think you’ve got what it takes to suck at copywriting! Alternatively, if you have too much pride, let me know who YOU think sucks (I’ll be very disappointed if I don’t make it on this list!).

PS: Y’know… I might even run a poll once we get some really good entries in so you can vote. But again, I’m digressing… Focus, focus, focus!

Posted on Thursday, November 29th, 2007.
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