This post is dedicated to all you tight-fisted, freeloading, miserly, penny-pinching, curmudgeonly, skinflints and tightwads.
John Godley from Urban Giraffe has just hit upon yet another *GENIUS* idea to start getting you penny pocketing cheapskates to pay up for the simply amazing work that he’s done.
Not only that, he’s created yet another mind-blowing plugin that’s going to help your WordPress sites.
Like me, I think John’s a bit tired of creating stuff with no visible comeback from the leeches around the internet getting stuff for free.
Yes, FREE is good. Yes, open source is a really cool idea. Yes, it’s great to share! We actively encourage it.
Well… in an ideal world, anyway!
The reality is this: there are bills to pay; mortgages payments to be made ; school fees and school clothing to purchase; pets to feed; repairs to be made; food to buy; ponies to stroke; gym memberships to be paid and a whole list of other things that need to be done in order to live a simple life in this day and age.
It all comes down to one simple thing: Cash. Money. Dollars. Cents.
At the moment, this free plugin thing makes no cents.
Here’s me and John, working our butts off to bring you guys some really cool stuff and *NO-ONE* has ever donated. Not one penny. Nothing. Zip. Zilch.
Well… today was the day that the usually serene Mr Godley snapped.
Look out world, this Developer’s gone postal!
I received an email from John this morning. It was about some updates we’re currently working on to FAQ-Tastic to fix some minor issues as well as ideas for our the new version.
In the email, John mentioned the new plugin he’s just released – a powerful WordPress search plugin that will enable you to search your Posts, Pages and even get results *after* your plugins have output the contents.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, today John Godley has unveiled yet another powerful plugin that will unlock the mysteries of your WordPress search engine function and actually make your site fully searchable! Never in the course of humanity have so few witnessed the marvels of a WordPress plugin that has been borne out of the fiery depths of Godley’s unlimitless genius. Ever expanding into uncharted realms of the abyss known to us as WordPress – like a triumphant conqueror returning from newly discovered continents – John has yet again brought back to us yet another gem worthy of the Queen of Sheba herself…
Behold the wonder that is Search Unleashed!
Are you hyped yet? Man, I gotta get some work as a carnie…
The email was your standard work email and then it started to get a little bit twisted.
In his message, John alluded to his sinister and diabolical scheme to extort money from the users of his plugins. A scheme he’s calling “Kitten Protection”.
So, What is “Kitten Protection”? (Personally, I like “Kitten Pay” as it’s cuter which makes it all the more twisted and sinister – muahahahahaaa ).
You’ve probably seen they type of thing before. But if you haven’t, download a copy of John’s plugin now and see it in action once you’ve installed it and activated it.
For those of you without WordPress – here’s the skinny:
Kitten Protection is emotional blackmail.
If you don’t pay up, the kittens will cry. You need to get the plugin now to get the full effect. I wept. Tears streamed down my cheeks when I saw the attrocity embedded in Search Unleashed plugin admin default page. Why is life so cruel? Why don’t people pay Developers for their time and effort? Why God, WHY…?!?!
Life is nasty, brutish and short. A bit like an old university lecturer of mine. And you don’t need a Leviathan to tell you that…
When asked about his new extortion racket, John said “I don’t like Mondays“. To which I replied, “John mate, it’s Thursday – nearly Friday where you are!”. To which he replied, “Well, I don’t like Thursday’s either”.
He’s obviously lost it.
I know this to be true. Why? Because John’s missed the obvious trick of using a *set of images* to pull at your heartstrings! Also, that he’s only asking for an $8 donation.
John, mate – stick another twenty on. We need to chat…
Well, as per usual, my role in all of this is simply of polishing up the crude idea into a nice brand new shiny one. There’s no end to this idea or the possibilities for it’s application. I just need to chunk John up, laterally and down again to take the idea into a whole new dimension.
Watch this space.
If you all don’t start paying up, FAQ-Tastic is next.
And I’ll be using kittens, puppies as well as sad but cute chimps!
PS: If you do have any cute pictures of any sad looking animals that you would like to send to us, then please email us at:
kittenprotection[at]knowledgeconstructs.com (replace the [at] with an @).
We will do our best to add as many cute and sad looking animals to our plugins in the future. If you’re lucky we might even make it a feed… (No copyright infringements please!)
PPS:: No kittens, real, fictional, imaginary or otherwise were harmed in the making of this post. The creators of Site Unleashed and FAQ-Tastic would like to advise viewers not to try and make a kitten cry. We do not endorse the practice of kitten poking, kitten mauling, kitten wrestling, kitten caboodling, kitten whipping or any other form of kitten mutilation for your titillation.
We are kitten friendly – John’s just had a bad day.
PPPS: Put that kitten down right now… We know who you are, we’ve logged your IP.
PPPPS: Since the writing of this post, John has had a donation sent through. 1 donation. This makes it his most profitable plugin to date.
Isn’t that sad?